This Heineken Draft Keg Robot commercial makes me think that Bret and Jemaine are on to something.

Heineken Draft Keg Robot commercial:

Flight of the Conchords -> Robot (The Humans are Dead)

Where exactly could I pick up one of those beer-dispensing robots?

So the new sofa that I posted about before was delivered today and it turns out the thing is as comfortable as we remembered it in the store. The problem is it seems absolutely humungous in our living room.

Any money we saved on this couch might go towards replacing a lot of the Ikea crap furniture we already had. The couch is just way out of scale. Every thing we own (tv stand, coffee table, end tables, other couch) seems a good 6 inches lower than they need to be now.

This got me thinking that maybe the Swedes are just a short group of people. Well, according to this questionable source, our Swedish friends are actually rather tall on average. It looks like they clock in at 179.6 cm, or 7th on the list. Compare that to the US and our average 175.5 cm for 27th on the list. Tallest = Netherlands and shortest = Cambodia.

I would like to welcome the people from Miller Brewing Company. This sitemeter report tells me someone from the company saw the Miller Chill is Not Good Beer post. They got there from a Blog Pulse search for Miller Chill.

Now, can you send me some coupons for some better Miller beer? I can be reached at matt@mattlaw.net. Thanks in advance!

Miller Chill is not good beer. A few weeks ago, I thought I’d write Miller Brewing Company and let them know that.

Dear Miller Beer,

I was intrigued by your new Miller Chill product after seeing a few commercials. That’s why I was excited when I got home for work the other day and saw that my wife bought a six pack for us to sample.

We both enjoy trying new beers. Unfortunately, there was nothing to enjoy about your new beer.

The “lime” aspect of the beer was just confusing. It made the beer taste like those awful tortilla chips that have an added lime flavor. The “salt” element was simply missing.

I’ve never said this about a beer, but I was sad after every sip. I wanted to like it, but I was disappointed each time I put the bottle back down on the end table. After about 5 minutes, I totally forgot I was “enjoying” a bottle of beer and went to the fridge for a coke.

I’m a big fan of other products, like Miller Lite. If you ask me, you should stick to making “American” beers and leave “lime flavor” to real limes.

Thanks,
Matt Law

Here’s their response….

Thank you for your recent email to Miller Brewing Company regarding Miller Chill.

Miller makes every effort to ensure all products meet our high quality standards. Some brands just do not appeal to all people. Maybe another product in our line will be a better match to your tastes. Please try one. Your comments will be forwarded to our corporate headquarters. Thank you for being a loyal consumer.

Thanks again for contacting the Miller Brewing Company.

I like the “Please try one” sentence. Here’s my response to their note. You might be surprised to read that I never heard back : )

Hi,

Thank you for your response.

As you suggest, I would love to continue trying more Miller products
in the hope that one would suit my tastes. I am on a very strict
budget and I can only spend so much money on beer a month. This puts
me in a difficult situation.

I feel as though my money was wasted on the Miller Chill when there
are surely better Miller beers for me to enjoy. Would it be possible
to get some sort of voucher that would allow me to enjoy a different
variety without impacting my budget?

Thank you,
Matt Law

Over at Beer Advocate, they say it’s a beer for people that don’t like beer and it “actually tastes like a really bad diet soda.” Sounds about right.

Best Week Ever put together a great collection of Fred Savage clips in honor of the release of Daddy Day Camp, his directorial debut. While I’ll probably be skipping that movie, I’m glad I didn’t skip the first clip on the list of Fred on the World Poker Tour’s Hollywood Home Game. Was Fred maybe a little drunk?

“Why won’t you die!?!?!”

In the category of misleading pictures, I give you the image at left. It says, don’t worry about your colposcopies, ladies — it’s just like reaching into a bright, pink and green pinata! In goes the hand, out comes candy! It actually makes me feel kinda cheated, cause in all my many visits to the gynocologist, I’ve never even gotten a lollipop.

I had a problem with a flight attendant on the flight back from our honeymoon. Rather than go into all the details, here’s the complaint I submitted through the American Airlines customer service web form. They have a limit of 1,500 characters, so I wasn’t able to be as amusing as I would’ve liked.

I was sleeping in my seat (44C) near the back of the plane when I was woken up by loud singing and then a scream. It turned out your flight attendants were throwing limes at one another. One lime nearly hit me.

I looked up at one flight attendant and she asked me if the fruit hit me. I said no, but I did mention that I was sleeping and their noise awoke me. I asked her if they were seriously throwing fruit at one another.

This is when the rude, condescending behavior began.

“Oh, no, no, no,” the flight attendant shook her head. “No, the lime exploded.”

I disagreed, and pointed to the in-tact lime wedge still rocking on the floor. She repeated this cadence of “no, no, no” as if I was a child who bumped his head and began to cry.

I explained to her that I was trying to sleep and all of the noise kept that from happening.

“Oh, no. Vacations can be hectic. You need your rest,” she said with a hefty dose of sarcasm.

She explained that she wasn’t being condescending (in a very condescending way) and then said, “I’m from New York.” I’m a New Yorker and am still confused by what that has to do with being rude.

Despite saying “I apologized three times, I don’t have to apologize anymore. We’re allowed to make noise as much as we want,” your flight attendant never apologized. In fact, she stopped another attendant from trying to defuse the situation.

I spoke with the purser on the flight (Vince Spooner) and he spoke with his crew and filed a report. You should have that on file.

Here’s their canned bullshit with some commentary…

Dear Mr. Law:

We received your email and I am pleased to respond.

Our goal for every employee is to provide friendly, courteous service. I was
extremely concerned with the actions of our staff which you described in your email.

The expense of selecting, training and motivating our personnel is of little value if
we then fail to satisfy our customers. Flight attendants have an especially crucial
role in achieving that goal because they spend more time with you than any of our
other employees. I am disappointed that you did not receive the treatment you deserve
and we expect our employees to deliver. Please accept my apology.

There is simply no excuse for rudeness. Our customers should always experience polite
service from our employees regardless of the circumstances. I am forwarding a copy of
your email to our Vice President of Flight Service who will use your comments
constructively.

Mr. Law, we rely on our passengers to keep us informed and by writing to us, you’ve
given us the chance to improve — thank you. Please do not be discouraged from
traveling with us again soon. We are eager to restore your confidence and we will do
our best not to disappoint you again.

This is an “outgoing only” email address. If you ‘reply’ to this message by simply
selecting the reply button, we will not receive your additional comments. Please
assist us in providing you with a timely response to any feedback you have for us by
always sending us your email messages via AA.com at
http://www.aa.com/customerrelations.

Sincerely,

Debi Little
Customer Relations
American Airlines

Sweet. So the next time I pick American Airlines and I’m not woken up by flying fruit and singing flight attendants, I’ll know it’s because their Vice President of Flight Service used my comments constructively.

Here’s a fun Consumerist post about AA and their web customer service.

Navin R. Johnson would be proud.

His name was not poophead!

With most good shows on summer break right now, GSN’s Grand Slam is perhaps the best thing on tv.

I could do without Dennis Miller, but it has a great pace to it. Luckily, he’s not on much.

Toby updated her Facebook status yesterday to mention that she felt all grown up ’cause she bought a real sofa. Getting married and buying a new couch within a two week span will do that to you I guess.

I’m really looking forward to the arrival of the sofa. I’ve been riding an Ikea Lillberg for the last three years and it’s been our primary piece of sitting furniture since we moved in together late last year.

It was fine for a suprisingly long time, but the cushions are not as comfortable as they once were and it’s just time for something a little more substantial.